Archive for About Parental Wisdom

New Year’s Resolution – To Stop Reading Email

“I am still learning.” – Michelangelo

Happy New Year!

Hopefully, as Michelangelo suggests, we are all still learning.

From a personal perspective this year, I learned an incredibly valuable lesson as I often do, from my children. That lesson was what we wish for our children may not be their wish. Though we want their good health and happiness; we need to realize that happiness has to be on their terms, not ours.

From a professional standpoint, the past year brought a myriad of new ways to socially networking with old and new friends. Or did it?

I think all the information overload and news, whether mundane or newsworthy gets lost in the sheer volume of it all.

1. If you send a holiday card to undisclosed recipients (and I’m on that list) I don’t feel all that special.

2. If I receive emails that require I pass it on to eight friends in the next ten minutes or terrible ills will come upon me, I am able to dismiss it and still make it to dinner.

3. And as important as your email message might be, whatever the subject, the bottom line is that nobody cares about your ‘stuff’ as much as you do.

This is largely due to the fact that there is too much going on. For the New Year and new decade, I’m choosing to take a step back or perhaps sideways.

Just as the holidays brought cards and pictures to my mailbox, which were more meaningful than email good wishes, the email newsletter you receive from me will come to your mailbox. Yes, I mean snail mail. We’re going to test this with a February newsletter on a topic you will really be interested in – raising socially conscious children.

In order to receive this newsletter, please be certain that you are registered as a Parental Wisdom® member with a full and complete mailing address.

• If you’re just signed up with an email account, we won’t have your address so we can’t mail it to you. Here is the link

• If you have found the information from Parental Wisdom helpful, then be sure to send a note to your friends. Please note, see point 2 above and don’t warn them about terrible things happening to them if they choose not to join. They’ll be fine.

This is one of a number of enhancements you’ll see this coming year. I look forward to our on-going conversations, and very soon you’ll see how we’ll be enhancing our ability to have real conversations as well.

If you are new to Parental Wisdom listen here

The very best to you and your family!

Tina Nocera, Founder
Parental Wisdom®

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Do you have Santa’s Phone Number?


Happy Countdown to Christmas!

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Nutley Parents paying for detention – what do you think?

Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple. – Dr. Seuss

Having raised my children in Nutley, NJ I read the newstory surrounding the consideration of charging parents for the costs associated with detention with great interest.

First of all, kudos to the Board members that had the courage to raise the question. Most people sit in the comfortable position of challenging the question and answer like a Monday morning quarterback, but lack the creativity to think differently in the first place.

So before I weigh in on the topic, (yes, I am playing the role of the Monday morning quarterback) I am grateful to the original thinkers, School Board members Steve Rogers and Walter Sautter for recognizing an opportunity to make things better.

My opinion is that we would be better served to have the students do something to improve the school rather than being babysat in a classroom.

* In the cases where they can be directly tied to an offense such as grafitti, they should be held accountable to clean it up.

* Where they were sent to dentention for being rude, late or other disciplinary actions, I am sure there is a laundry list of school clean up, repair activities or administrative work that always needs to be done. In that way, the students are the ones paying the price, not their parents.

After all, the purpose of an education is about learning, and it seems as if the students in detention are the ones that need the lesson. Your thoughts?

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Parents who live in glass houses

balloon boy

There is an old saying, “People who live in glass houses, shouldn’t throw stones.”

People aren’t meant to live in glass houses, which was the term before the invention of reality TV.

Just last week, the Balloon Boy story took over the headlines. We now know, it was a farce as his parents wanted to get a shot at reality TV. I know the unwritten law of parents, which is ironically, don’t throw stones, but he chose to live in a glass house and didn’t consider how it might impact his children.

Was it about the money? If the father, Richard Heane is convicted of conspiracy and false reporting, his children might be without their father for up to six years; the time he might serve in prison. He was looking for a reality show and instead might get a wake-up reality check.

At the risk of sounding harsh, do you ever wish you had a Stupid Ticket to give out in such cases? Well if you click on the link, you will.

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It’s a bird; it’s a plane, it’s a helicopter parent

helicopter

Helicopter Parent: “A mom or dad who hovers over his or her children.”

In case you haven’t heard the term, “Helicopter Parents,” are always hovering–always helping–always rescuing–and always involved.

These are the parents who micromanage their kids’ play dates, science fair projects, and soccer game tournaments.

In high school they drive the teachers batty by hovering in at the first sign of a bad grade, making sure their kid’s schedule was stellar (with only the very best teachers), and writing those college entrance essays.

In college they are first on the scene setting up their kid’s dorm room (and complaining if the roommate wasn’t the perfect fit), and even calling the university president to complain about an unfair grade. Cell phones and e-mail have created umbilical bonds that are difficult to cut.

Well, now the kiddies have graduated and they are entering the workforce in mass numbers. It seems these parents are still hovering, but from all indications, their presence is now up a level — think “Black Hawk” mode. According to major businesses from coast to coast these parents are actually attending their kids job
fairs and interviews, negotiating salaries and benefit packages for their children and even demanding that the business call to let them know if their offspring got the job. And businesses are scratching their heads. What do we do with these parents?

Many are actually changing their long-standing practices to send notices of hiring intent to the parents as well as the kids.

This is over-the-top parenting. This isn’t mentoring but meddlesome, and it can rob kids of the self-reliance they need at this point in their grown-up lives. What can these kids fall back on if they have no internal resources of learning and failing because parents protected them from any ever experiencing failure?

Ask yourself a question before you jump in to save your child. What is the worst thing that can happen if you don’t step in?

If there was such a thing as a parent’s job description, it would probably say that we should raise happy, healthy, well-adjusted, independent children that contribute to society. Don’t wait till your child is twenty to celebrate Independence Day. Even very young children can and should have chores.

Though well-intentioned, the self-esteem movement of the last twenty years is what many believe to be the cause with the lack of self reliance many ‘twenty-somethings’ now face. Interestingly, that movement
started about the same time you would see those annoying ‘Baby on Board’ signs on cars.

It’s actually very simple. If you want your child to have self esteem, give them responsibilities. Begin when they are little with simple chores, and continue on as they get older.

Visit Parental Wisdom – Free Reports, and get a copy of the Chore Chart Ideas for a few ideas; add your own creativity. For example, if you want a four-year-old to pull up his bed covers every morning, take a few digital pictures of each step in the process and label the pictures with a big #1, #2 and #3 for each step. Leave it on a small poster so he will know and remember what to do. That will make your child feel good about his achievements and he is more likely to take on more responsibility.

This is one of the best ways to communicate with, and stay connected to your child.
Great way to avoid all the helicopter traffic.

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The New (school) Year

school supplies

The following post is contributed from Dr. Stephen Jones

5 Back to School Savings Tips by Dr. Stephen Jones, a member of the Parental Wisdom advisory group

Every year thousands of parents grab a cart and engage in the age old tradition of back to school shopping. There is a level of excitement in the air as students consider new school supplies and what clothes they will wear back to school. All parents can do is look at their pockets and try to find a way to stretch a dollar. Many parents start their shopping without a plan and that’s where money is lost. Have you ever noticed how things are strategically placed around the store so that you will make random purchases? There are all kinds of pencils, notebooks and paper right within your grasp.

There are some things that you can do to resist the temptation to spend too much.

First make a list of the most expensive items that you need to purchase. Check the internet and advertisements in your local newspaper. This is important especially when you are purchasing electronic products like lap tops, Ipods and digital recorders. The money that you save from these purchases can add up to hundreds of dollars. Recognize that every product that has a sales tag can be bought cheaper if you are willing to do your research.

The second tip is to watch for the best day of the week to purchase clothes and other items. Some stores have sales on certain days of the week. This is done to increase the number of parent’s and students who are coming into their store. As you shop for sales it may be worth returning on another day. Talk with your relative who works in a retail store. They may have a discount that they can use on your purchases. There could be an additional discount in addition to the sale that is going on in the store.

Third there are numerous websites where you can purchase books at a discount. Search Google for discount book websites. Purchasing books online is real convenient today. Books that you order usually arrive in 3 to 5 days. Still it is better to purchase books well before they are needed. If your son/daughter needs the book to write a report the book will be available to get started early. Also consider purchasing reference books so that your son/daughter will have books to look at when they do not understand a particular definition or subject.

A forth back to school saving tip involves purchasing shoes and sneakers at a reduced price. There are stores that sell hundreds of shoes. You need to keep an eye on the prices several times a week. Sometimes local stores want to move inventory so that they will lower their prices. Ask your child how often he/she talks with their peers about where they get the best sneaker discounts.

A fifth tip is to form a group of parents who can each purchase some items in bulk. Pencils and paper can be shared by parents. Create a supplies storage container where you will keep all of the items. This is one way that you can avoid purchasing too many items that you already have. Before you go shopping go to your storage draws and take an inventory of all of things you need. You will be amazed at how much you have in storage from last year.

Now that you’ve saved hundreds of dollar focus on your child’s education. Decide on something that you will do to make education fun this year. Load up your students book bags with good snacks. Even high school students need snacks because they can loose their energy during the day. Remember a healthy body will boost a student’s performance on tests. Make your back to school journey one that is full of good expectations. You can control your back to school spending and have a great new school year too. Dr Stephen Jones is an education expert, consultant and author of three books the Seven Secrets of how to Study, the Parent’s Ultimate education Guide and the Ultimate Scholarship Guide available at http://www.studyskills2u.com.

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How do you teach respect?

respect

I’ve been noticing the way parents talk to their children and realize the respect and attention they show their children is what the children will learn.

Is it really that easy?

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